Alison Emma Proctor

Alison Emma Proctor

Sadly Born Sleeping on 25th October 2005
She Is Loved And Missed So Very Much
By Mummy,Daddy,
And Her Big Brothers Jamie And Kyle
And Her Little Brothers Jake,And Daniel
Also Her Nanny And Grampy , And Her Nanny And Grandad.
And All Of Her Aunts And Uncles.

Alison Was Taken From Us To Soon,
Our Hearts Were Broken The Day She Fell Asleep.

Our Family Will Always Have A Big Empty Space Where Our Angel Alison Should Have Been.

Alison You Are Always With Us In Our Minds And Hearts, Sleep Tight Princess Until We Are All Together Again.

Alison We All Love You So So Much Our One And Only Little Princess.

X X X X X

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Our Story

In 2001 Claire (Who I Hadn't Met At The Time) Had Pre Eclampsia And Had To Have An Emergency C Section At 34 Weeks, The Pre Eclampsia Was So Bad That Doctors Had To Keep Her Asleep For 3 Days. But Jamie Her Baby Son Was Ok.

Then In March 2002 I Met Claire, In October 2003 We Got Married, Just After Christmas 2004 We Decided To Try For A Baby With No Luck. The Doctor Put Claire On A Low Dose Of Clomid, That Didn't Work So He Put Her On The Maximum Dose And 3 Months Later She Fell Pregnant, Everything Was Going Great Up Until The 33rd Week, When Claire Felt Unwell And We Went To The Hostpital To Get Her Checked Over, Doctors Told Us The The Baby Was Showing Signs Of Distress And That Claire Was Showing Signs Of Mild Pre Eclampsia, She Had To Go For An Emergency C Section. Kyle Was Born And Taken To The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, And We Were Called Into The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit To Say Our Good Bye's To Kyle Because They Said He Was Very Poorly And Probably Would Not Make It Through The Night. Through The Night He Had To Be Resuscitated From Then On He Started To Fight And Pulled Threw, 4 Weeks Later He Was Given The All Clear And We Took Him Home.

Then On My Birthday In 2005 Claire Told Me She Was Pregnant Again, Claire Had Some Bleeding On And Off For About The First 12 Weeks We Were Told This Is Normal, After That Things Were Fine, At The 20 Week Scan We Were Told We Were Going To Have A Little Girl, This Was Last Brick To Complete Our Family. But 7 Weeks Later Our World Came Crashing Down, Claire Felt That Someting Wasn't Right So We Went To The Hospital To Get Her And The Baby Checked, Claire Was Absolutley Fine, No Signs Of Pre Eclampsia But The Midwife Couldn't Find The Baby's Heartbeat And Called For A Doctor To Scan Claire, That's When He Said I'm Sorry And Walked Out Leaving It All To The Midwife To Explain, The Midwife Had Start Labour Off And 2 Days Later Alison Was Born (Sleeping). We Spent 1 Night With Alison Before They Took Her Away From Us And Sent Us Home.

We Thought That We Would Never Be Able To Recover From This But Our 2 Little Boys Helped Us So Much, Because They Needed Us So Much.

Then In Janruary 2006 Claire Was Pregnant Again, Doctors And Midwives Were Not Taking Any Chances This Time And Treated Us Like Royality, With Scans Every 2 Weeks And Checks Every Other Day, The Doctor Said That He Was Hoping To Get Claire To 36 Weeks, We Made It To 36 Weeks Then Signs Of Pre Eclampsia Started To Show With Traces Of Protein In Her Water And Slightly Raised Blood Pressure, With This He Booked A Selective C Section For The Next Week. Jake Was Born 17 November 2006 And Was Healthy.

We Did Not Have Jake To Replace Alison, Because There Is No Way You Can Ever Replace Your Lost Baby.

Sleep Peacefully Little Angel, We All Love And Miss You.
XXXXX

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Alison

I felt you kicking
They were so strong
We wanted you so very much
Couldn't wait for you to come

My darling baby Alison
How i miss you so very much
I wanted to see your first smile
Hear your first words
Feed you and protect you
And watch my princess grow up

My heart feels really heavy
A real big emptiness inside
I want my darling daughter
To be with me by my side

Its now time for me to say goodbye
I will never forget you
I miss and love you so very much
Sleep well my little princess
One day we will be together again
I love you mummy loves you


Written By Mummy
In Memory Of Alison Emma Proctor
29th October 2005

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Can you see the change in me

It may not be obvious to you
I participate in family activities
I attend family reunions
I help plan holiday meals.
You tell me you're glad to see that i don't cry anymore
But i do.
When everyone has gone,when it is safe,the tears fall.
I cry in privacy so my family won't worry.
I cry untill i am so exhausted and can finally sleep.
You tell me you admire my strenght and my
positive attitude
But i am not strong.
I feel that i have lost control,and i panic when i think
about tomorrow
...next week
...next month
...next year
Igo about the routine of my job
I complete my assigned tasks
I drink coffee and smile.
You tell me that you're glad to see I'm over '' the
death of my daughter.
But I'm not over it.
If I get over it,I will be the same as before my Alison
died.
I will never be the same.
At times i think i am beginning to heal,but the pain of
losing my little girl has left a permanent scar
on my heart.
I spend time with friends
I appear calm and collected
I smile when appropriate
You tell me its good to see me back to my old self
But i will never be back to my old self
Death and grief have touched my life
and i am for ever changed.
My darling daugther has gone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

They Say There Is A Reason

They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

PLEASE,don't ask me if i'm over it yet.
I'ii never be over it.
PLEASE,don't tell me shes in a better place.
She is'nt here with me.
PLEASE,don't say at least she is'nt suffering.
I have'nt come to terms with why she had to suffer
PLEASE,don't tell me you know how i feel.
Unless you have lost a child.
PLEASE,don't ask me if i feel better.
Bereavement is'nt a condition that clears up.
PLEASE,don't tell me god never gives us
More than we can bear.
PLEASE,just say your sorry.
PLEASE, just say you remember my child,if you do.
PLEASE, just let me talk about my little girl
PLEASE,mention my angels name
PLEASE,just let me cry....

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



...They say memories are golden, well maybe that is true,
I never wanted memories, i only wanted you,
A million times ive needed you, a million times ive cried,
If love alone could of saved you, you never would have
died,
In my body i loved you dearly, in death i love you still,
In my heart you hold a place no one could ever fill,
If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven and bring you back again,
Our family chain is broken,and nothing seems the same,
But as we're called one by one, the chain will link again...